STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

DANCING DOLLS 

KENNETH SAWYER 
GOODMAN 




STAGE GUILD PLAYS 
DANCING DOLLS 




STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

By Kenneth Sawyer Goodman 

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DANCING DOLLS 

A FANTASTIC COMEDY 
IN ONE ACT 

BY 

KENNETH SAWYER GOODMAN 

WITH A PROLOGUE BY 

THOMAS WOOD STEVENS 




CHICAGO 

THE STAGE GUILD 

MCMXV 



Copyright 7975 by 

man ^t^\:) 



Kenneth Sawyer Goodman tA^ 
All rights reserved ^ 



Notice : Application for permis- 
sion to perform this play in the 
United States should be made to 
The Stage Guild, Railway Ex- 
change Building, Chicago; and 
application for permission to per- 
form it elsewhere should be made 
to Mr. B. I den Payne, The Gaiety 
Theatre, Manchester, England. 
No performance of it may take 
place without consent of the 
owners of the acting rights. 



MAY 20 1915 
/ * 

CID 40705 



? 



DANCING DOLLS was first produced by the 
Department of Dramatic Arts of the Carnegie 
Institute of Technology, at Pittsburgh, June 
15, 1914, under the direction of Mr. Thomas 
Wood Stevens, with the following caste: 

In the Prologue 

Fleurette Doris Williams 

CoLiNETTE Alice S. Guthrie 

Blanche Inez M. Krebs 

A Dancer Elizabeth Duffy 

In the Play 

GiLLEs Charles F. Steen 

Buffo Leo Beiter 

Mezzetin Charles Meredith 

Margot Betty Brown 

FiNETTA Marcella Frederick 

Clementina Florence Little 

The Notary Charles H. Duffy 



PROLOGUE 

[fleurette, colinette, and blanche.] 

FLEURETTE 

Long is the road from Paris to Provence, 
Dear friends, and longer still across the foam 
To this far village. But we banished folk, 
We players in the brave Italian style, 
We may not shirk long roads nor weary feet, 
Nor the bleak wintry passage of the sea. 
And mark you now : in yonder tented space 
Which, I beseech you, you must here behold, 
On yonder stage that lifts above the green 
(You see the stage ? No ? Take my word for it) ; 
Now, even now, great Mezzetin stands forth, 
And Gilles, whom you outlandish folk do know 
By other names, as Pierrot the clown, 
Gilles, whom all Paris loved and laughed with, 

Gilles 
Dances again his quaint immortal round 
And dreams again his broken dream of love. 
It's a sad play. We often weep, ourselves 
When Gilles is left so desolate at the end. 
And so I pray you, do you all sit here, 
And let the gaping crowd inside weep on, 
(You hear the crowd) and you shall see brave 

sights, 
Dancing and mumming, and the merry life 
That beats behind the tinsel and the tears; 

(7) 



8 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

Gilles you shall see, and roaring Mezzetin, 
Margot, Finetta, all our company — 

COLINETTE 

If you go on, these folk will run away. 

FLEURETTE 

Ah, no; they'll wait — until you dance. 

BLANCHE 

I quite agree — you prologue far too long. 

FLEURETTE 

What would you have? 

BLANCHE 

They came to see us dance. 

FLEURETTE 

Deluded souls ! They do not look so simple. 

COLINETTE 

They look disheartened — listening all this time. 

BLANCHE 

Fie, they've not listened. They have merely 
waited. 

FLEURETTE 

Waited indeed — to cheer when I have done. 

COLINETTE 

ril join them cheering — if you ever cease. 



DANCING DOLLS 



BLANCHE 

And SO will I, if I am still awake. 

FLEURETTE 

It's a sad time, when kittenish little fluffs, 
All pretty tricks and dances, grow to cats ! 

COLINETTE 

But cats have claws! 

BLANCHE 

And you have said enough ! 

[fleurette slips out from between 
them, leaving them clawing at 
each other.] 

FLEURETTE 

Sweet friends, permit me but a hasty word. 
You'll see no play of Roman heroes here, 
No wars nor kings that thunder in defeat. 
Nor queens in tears for destinies gone wrong. 
But watch you well the crossing of the plot. 
How Gilles grows weary of Finetta's love. 
And Mezzetin and Margot drift apart. 
And how — but hold. 1 must not tell you all. 
And first, the dancers, Colinette and Blanche, 
These twain, toward whom, in our unbanished 

days, 
All Paris kissed the hand in mad applause. 
Judge you, sweet friends, if long and weary 

roads 



lO STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

Have, even a trifle — no? Let the dance begin. 

[When FLEURETTE, COLINETTE, and 
BLANCHE have finished their 
dance they scamper away, and 
the action begins.] 

Note. This is Prologue for use where the play 
is given out of doors, without a curtain. 



DANCING DOLLS 

The Scene is the interior of a tent, used as a dress- 
ing-room by a company of strollers. At 
the back is a curtain, which cuts off the 
dressing-room from the stage, the edge of 
which is seen, raised upon saw-horses to a 
height of two and a half feet. There are 
wooden steps leading from the stage to the 
ground. At the right is a door, merely a 
flap in the canvas, which is supposed to be 
an entrance from outside; in other words, 
the stage door. At the opposite side is 
another flap leading to a smaller tent, used 
by the ladies of the company. There are 
several costumes lying on the backs of 
chairs, and a make-up table, equipped 
with a mirror and a large candle reflector, 
stands at left near the front. 

As the curtain rises, buffo sits at a small table, a 
little to the right of the centre, with his back 
to the stage door, gilles is seated on the 
back of a chair across the table from buffo 
and is telling him a funny story, buffo 
has a bouquet of flowers clasped in one 
hand and is laughing uproariously. Be- 
side his chair is a covered basket. The 
music is playing faintly, as if a perform- 
ance were going on behind the back-cloth. 

(") 



12 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

The Time is the late afternoon of a spring day 
early in the eighteenth century. 

The Place is a country town, somewhere in the 
south of France. 

BUFFO. Ho, ho! Ha, ha! That's the most 
comical thing I ever heard! 

GiLLES. Wait till I tell you the rest of it. 
There was the young count, with a bouquet of 
roses in one hand, and a leg of lamb in the 
other — 

BUFFO, [slapping the table] Ho, ho! Ha, 
ha! Goon, goon! 

GILLES. [illustrating his story by waving his 
arms] Bottles flying — just imagine it! Chairs 
breaking — all hell broken loose in a jiffy, like a 
what-do-you-call-it in a crockery shop. 

BUFFO. Splendid! Splendid! Ho, ho! 

Ha, ha! [He sways back and forth.] 

GILLES. [climbing down from his perch and 
striking a pose] I jumped between Mezzetin 
and the count. "Sir," I cried, "How dare you 
force your way into the ladies' dressing-room?" 

BUFFO, [awestruck] You said that to a real 
count ? 

GILLES. We actors must stand on our dig- 
nity. 

BUFFO. But didn't you get into trouble ? 



DANCING DOLLS I3 

GILLES. Poof! We had supper together 
afterward. 

BUFFO. You come in contact with very dis- 
tinguished people. 

GILLES. Artists come in contact with every- 
body. 

BUFFO, [leaning forward eagerly, his elbows on 
the table] You play before the nobility? 

GILLES. In their own houses. 

BUFFO. And the clergy? 

[He draws up his chair to the table and 
sits down.] 

GILLES. My dear sir, we have a morality 
play, all about the damnation of somebody-or- 
other. Mezzetin groans like a bull in real hell- 
fire. It always gets them. 

BUFFO. I acted once, myself. 

GILLES. [feigning amazement and admiration] 
Indeed? 

BUFFO, [nodding his head] I was the clown 
in a tragedy. 

GILLES. But I thought your vocation was 
raising poultry? 

BUFFO, [proudly] I own the largest poultry 
farm in the county. 



l4 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

GiLLES. You find poultry and the neigh- 
borhood congenial to a man of your refined 
tastes ? 

BUFFO, [sadly conscious of his superiority to 
his neighbors] Alas, no! I find them dull as 
mud. No one of culture to spend a quiet even- 
ing with. No one of finer feelings to criticise 
my poems. 

GILLES. What, you're a poet, too? 

BUFFO. I've written two poems and a play. 

GILLES. You amaze me! Was the play 
given? 

BUFFO, [shaking his head] No. It was re- 
jected solely because it requires two elephants 
and a camel. 

GILLES. Was it written in verse? 

BUFFO. No. It was written in pantomime. 

GILLES. You certainly amaze me! Why, a 
man of your talents could make a fortune in the 
profession. 

BUFFO, [eagerly] Do you think so? 

GILLES. [rising and again illustrating by 
gestures] Not a doubt of it ! Take this company 
for instance. The investment isn't large. The 
profits are most satisfactory, and the personnel 
is charming. Mezzetin, the talented tragedian 
and sword-swallower, Margot, the delirious 
dancer, and — I kiss my hand to her — Finetta. 



DANCING DOLLS 15 

BUFFO, [rising, with the bouquet in his hand] 
Of course! That reminds me, I've brought 
this bouquet of roses to Mistress Finetta — I 
kiss my hand to her. 

GiLLES. Bravo! I see you have the grand 
manner. 

BUFFO. There's a poem pinned to them. 

GILLES. Never mind the poem. 

[He snatches the flowers from buffo 
and buries his nose in them.] 

buffo, [reaching for the flowers] But — but — 

GILLES. Oh, immortal roses ! Roses that die 
in a day, and Hve forever! There's joy in the 
breath of you ; hint of all the dancing, and 
laughter, and scarlet lips of the world ! 

BUFFO. But, I say! 

[The music stops suddenly, and 
GILLES sinks into the chair.] 

GILLES. Oh, terrible roses ! There's sadness 
in you, too. Tears in your hearts; scarlet tears 
for the loves we couldn't keep. There's the 
savor of the churchyard about you; hint of 
finished music, and tired feet, and aching eyes, 
and empty hands. Oh, roses, roses! 

[He tosses away the flowers, and 
clasps his hands.] 

BUFFO. Yes, yes ! I think I said something 
about roses in my poem. 



l6 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

GILLES. [coming to himself] The devil ! Ah, 
I'd forgotten you and your confounded poem. 

BUFFO, [producing his basket] But, see here 
what else I've brought, just to make sure I'd 
please her. You can't make a meal off roses. 

GILLES. Pray, sir, explain. 

BUFFO. It's a cold roast capon; that's what 
it is! And a head of lettuce, and a bottle of red 
wine. Ha, ha ! Ho, ho ! Please the stomach, 
please the heart — that's my motto. 

[The music strikes up again. There 
is a chatter of girls^ voices, and 
clapping of hands. gilles 
jumps up and seizes buffo's 
basket.] 

GILLES. Quick now! Give it to me! The 
act's over. Mezzetin's swallowed his sword. I 
can't let him catch you here. 

[He snatches the basket and sets it on 
the floor behind the table.] 

BUFFO. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 

GILLES. [returning to buffo] Out with you! 
Stir your stumps ! 

BUFFO. But, I say ! Wait a minute ! I want 
to speak to Mistress Finetta. 

GILLES. [dragging at buffo's coat] Oh, for a 
team of horses! Out with you or I'll do some- 
thing desperate. 

[He pulls BUFFO to the door at the 



DANCING DOLLS IJ 

right. MEZZETiN enters from the 
stage, followed by the two girls. 
The music is still playing. 
MEZZETIN strikes an attitude.] 

MEZZETIN. [flourishing his wooden sword] 
** 'Twas thus I scaled the flaming breach of Troy. 

While all the plain, a reeking sea of blood, 

Gurgled below me. " 
Ha, who's this? [He points to buffo.] 

BUFFO. I — I — beg your pardon. I'm going. 
[Exit BUFFO. GiLLES sinks into a 
chair, laughing.] 

MARGOT. [taking a turn on her toes] Who was 
the funny little man? 

GILLES. Just a bigger fool than ourselves. 

MEZZETIN. [throwing off his cloak] In that 
case, I opine that the person has lent Gilles 
money. [He sits down at the make-up table, 

and preens himself before the 

mirror.] 

FiNETTA. [fretfully] Don 't we get any supper ? 

GILLES. [jumping up] That we do! I'll beat 
the drum while somebody cooks a little bean 
soup. 

FINETTA. [turning on gilles] I don't want 
any bean soup. 

MARGOT. I am afraid there isn't anything 
else. 



l8 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

FINETTA. [stamping her foot] Then cook it 
yourself. I'm going to lie down. 

[She starts toward the door at the left.] 

MARGOT. Of course, I'll cook it if you won't. 

GiLLES. [picking up a clown s suit] There's a 
good girl — always ready to do her share of the 
work. [To FINETTA, who has stopped and is 
eyeing margot jealously] By the way, my dear, 
here's a nice pair of white what-you-may-call- 
'ems, minus part of the seat. 

FINETTA. [stamping her foot again] You're 
always trying to have me mend something. 

GILLES. But look at them, in the name of 
common decency ! 

FINETTA. Give them to Margot — she's a 
good girl — she's obliging — 

GILLES. [backing away cautiously and picking 
up buffo's flowers] Don't be huffy ! See what 
I've bought for you — a nice bouquet of lovely 
thingumbobs ! 

[He hands her the flowers.] 

FINETTA. I don't want the nasty flowers. 

[She throws them on the floor and 
flounces through door at left.] 

GILLES. [ruefully] Now, there's a devil of a 
temper for you ! 

MEZZETiN. [leaning back with a gesture of 
evident self satisfaction] 
**'Twas thus Adonis in the morning glow 

Of Attic April set her heart aflame. " 



DANCING DOLLS IQ 

GiLLES. [turning upon mezzetin] Your 
smirk is positively ridiculous. 

MARGOT. What on earth has got into you? 

mezzetin. [rising with alacrity and striking 
an attitude] The anticipation of a good time. 
The pleasurable sense of a perfectly unsought 
conquest! My friends, I am dining at the inn 
with a charming young lady. Poor little thing, 
how she adores me. 

GILLES. [sarcastically] At her expense? 

mezzetin. Certainly! 

MARGOT. [with a smiling attempt to appear 
unconcerned] Don't break her heart. 

[She takes the clown suit from gilles 
and sits down to sew.] 

mezzetin. That's her affair. 

THE NOTARY, [outside] Mr. Mezzetin! Oh, 
Mr. Mezzetin! 

MEZZETIN. [going toward the door at the right] 
Ah, ha! It's my friend, the notary. Come in, 
come in, Mr. Notary. Damn it, where's my 
cloak? [He turns and looks for his cloak.] 

THE NOTARY, [entering timidly] I beg your 
pardon ! 

MEZZETIN. I'll be with you in a moment. 
[He finds his cloak and throws it about his shoul- 
ders.] A thousand pardons! My friends, Mr. 



20 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

Gilles and Mistress Margot. Two of the most 
talented artists in the profession. 

GILLES. [making an exaggerated bow] 
Charmed ! 

MARGOT. [making an exaggerated curtsy] 
Delighted ! 

THE NOTARY, [with a tremendous effort to 
outdo both of them] Overwhelmed ! 

MEZZETiN. [impressively] You've heard me 
speak of my friend, the notary. He's been good 
enough to stop for me. He dines with us to- 
night, for the sake of propriety, at the Blue Pig. 

THE NOTARY. A great honor — a great honor, 
I assure you! Are you ready, Mr. Mezzetin? 

MEZZETIN. [with a grand flourish] After you, 
my dear sir ! 

THE NOTARY. Overwhelmed ! 

MARGOT. Delighted. 

GILLES. Charmed ! 

[All of them repeat their bows. The 

NOTARY goes out. MEZZETIN 

follows him but turns at the door 
to declaim.] 

MEZZETIN. 

"Thus, Paris, musing on the Spartans' Queen, 
With stately tread, approached the banquet 
hall." 

[He goes out.] 



DANCING DOLLS 21 

GILLES. [snappishly] Ha, ha! [He turns to 
MARGOT.] There's the devil of a chap for you! 
Well, it's one less mouth to feed here. [He puts 
buffo's basket on the table and begins taking out 
the contents.] Never mind! There'll be no bean 
soup for us tonight, if we dont dine at the Blue 
Pig. 

MARGOT. [laying down the clown s suit and 
rising] There, I've finished your patch. Now 
I'll be getting our supper. 

GILLES. No need, my dear. Behold the 

table spread ; the feast prepared ! A cold roast 

capon, a head of lettuce, and a bottle of red 
wine. 

MARGOT. [clapping her hands] Wizard! 
Where did they come from? 

GILLES. I took them out of the old drum, the 
way I take rabbits out of my hat at the fair. 

MARGOT. Seriously. 

GILLES. Seriously. Well, I bought them at 
the Blue Pig. 

MARGOT. Honestly? 

GILLES. Honestly. Well, to be quite honest, 
I stole them, basket and all. 

MARGOT. [laughing] How delicious! 
[She pulls up her chair.] 

GILLES. Yes, aren't they? The butter is 
under that leaf of green stuff. 

[He sits down at the table.] 



22 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

MARGOT. How wonderful it would be to 
have such things every day! I ought to have 
been a farmer's wife. 

GiLLES. You ought to have been a duchess. 

MARGOT. [a little sadly] No, no! Just a 
plain farmer's wife, to sew and cook and scrub 
pans. To stay in one place all the time. Oh, it 
would be heavenly to work in a nice wet garden. 

GILLES. With those little hands? 

MARGOT. [pushing back her chair and turning 
away] Don't! Please don't tease me! 

GILLES. There! There! Why, what's the 
matter with your eyes? 

MARGOT. I'm tired — tired — I don't want to 
be teased. 

GILLES. Child! Child! I'm not teasing you. 
I'll tell you a secret. Fd like to work in a gar- 
den, too. fve looked over the walls lots of 
times when we've been trundling along the 
roads. Fve peeped through the little green 
gates in the hedges and wanted to be inside, 
digging and planting and pulling things up. 

MARGOT. [drying her eyes] In those clothes? 
It's too ridiculous! 

GILLES. But I didn't always wear this rig, 
you know. I wasn't meant for this business 
we're in. I didn't always shout, and dance, and 
beat a drum, and juggle eggs. How I got into 



DANCING DOLLS 23 

it, I don't know. Why I stay in it, I don't know. 
I'm always wishing and wishing — 

MARGOT. [eagerly] What are you always 
wishing and wishing? 

GILLES. \ rather glumly] I don't know — 
something or other. That I could settle down 
some place where I'd never hear the sound of a 
drum. 

MARGOT. What would Finetta say to that ? 

GILLES. Confound it! Of course, she'd say 
I was a fool! That girl's one of those what-do- 
you-call-'ems, those spinning things. You can't 
stop her without killing her. 

MARGOT. I never dreamt you felt this way. 
It's fun to have someone to talk to. 

GILLES. Oh, Lord — I suppose you're like the 
rest. A woman talks and talks and never knows 
what she wants. Now, take Finetta for ex- 
ample — 

MARGOT. [tapping her foot] Oh, yes, Finetta 
— you can't get Finetta out of your head. 

GILLES. I can't, eh? Well, maybe I can't. 
Never mind me. Cheer up and eat something. 

MARGOT. [drawing up to the table again] Isn't 
it fun ! Let me pour the wine. 

GILLES. Splendid! Let's be domestic. 

Let's talk about cows, and chickens, and smelly 
barnyards. 



24 ST AGE GUILD PLAYS 

MARGOT. And nice, cool, wet gardens. 

GiLLES. And a what-do-you-call-it, covered 
with vines, to sit under. 

MARGOT. [thoughtfully] Do you suppose 
Mezzetin ever thinks of such things? 

GILLES. There you go! Didn't I know it? 
We're all in the same boat. It's the old story! 
Everything jumbled up the wrong way. Every- 
body mismated. You and Mezzetin, Finetta 
and me. They're the gay ones; always on the 
go, happy-go-lucky; devil-may-care; not a 
trouble in the world. This sort of life's the 
very breath of their bodies. Look at Finetta! 

MARGOT. Look at Mezzetin ! 

GILLES. All right, look at him ! What do you 
see? 

MARGOT. A human jumping-jack. He's all 
springs. He couldn't be happy unless he was 
dancing. 

GILLES. [fjleased, and becoming sure of him- 
self] That's just it ! There you are ! Now look 
at us. We're quiet. We're domestic. We'd 
never dance at all if we didn't have to. If — 

MARGOT. Well, but what's the answer? 

GILLES. I don't know. That we fuss, and 
fume, and stick to it, I suppose. Wait! Yes, I 
do know, too! Look here — I've a great what- 
you-may-call-it. Just popped into my head! 



DANCING DOLLS 25 

You and I are beautifully suited to each other — 
make one another happy for life — I've just 
found it out in the last five seconds. It solves 
the whole thing. Why not quit together, and 
then start together? 

MARGOT. [laughing] It might mean starting 
together, and then quitting separately. 

GiLLES. No, but seriously! I tell you I've 
made up my mind! I've thought it all out in 
detail. It's my mission in life to make you 
happy. 

MARGOT. You've made your decision pretty 
suddenly. 

GILLES. {jumping up] All great decisions are 
made just that way. Why, confound it, look at 
what's-his-name, the great African King. He 
decided to invade what-was-the-place? Well, 
never mind. He decided to invade it anyway, 
and made all his plans while he was eating a 
piece of tripe at breakfast. And see what 
happened ! Why he died, emperor of — emperor 
of something-or-other, just because he had the 
courage of his convictions. 

MARGOT. Well, what are your plans for my 
happiness ? 

GILLES. [after a moment's reflection] I'll sell 
my interest in the show to Mezzetin. 

MARGOT. But, Mezzetin hasn't any money! 

GILLES. [wildly enthusiastic] Never mind! 
I'll sell it to somebody! We'll get married, and 



26 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

buy a castle, or a cottage, or a what's-its-name, 
and settle down on it, and raise thingumbobs 
or something for market. 

MARGOT. But, Gilles, you've got to have 
more definite plans than that. 

GILLES. Wait a minute! Don't hurry me! 
I've got something rattling around in my head. 
It'll all come out in a jiffy. I was talking to 
somebody, just a few minutes ago, about some- 
thing. 

BUFFO, \outside] Oh, Mr. Gilles! Oh, Mr. 
Gilles! May I come in? 

GILLES. There! Listen! Where have I 
heard that voice before? Where have I heard 
that voice? 

BUFFO. May I come in? 

MARGOT. It's the little fat man. 

GILLES. [going toward the door at the right] 
Of course, it is ! Come in ! Come in ! Now I 
have it. I told you I had it all thought out ! 

[buffo enters. gilles seizes his 
hand and drags him to the centre 
of the stage.] 

BUFFO. I — I beg your pardon for intruding 
again — 

GILLES, My dear sir, you're the very man 
I've been waiting for. 



DANCING DOLLS 2/ 

BUFFO. But I only came to see if you had 
given my bouquet to Mistress Finetta ? 

GILLES. She was entranced. 

BUFFO, [with increasing eagerness] And the 
poem? 

GILLES. She was enraptured. 

BUFFO. And the basket? 

GILLES. [pointing to the table] You can see 
for yourself. She ate nearly all of it at one 
sitting. 

BUFFO, [very eagerly] Might I speak to her 
now? 

GILLES. Oh, my dear sir ! She's inside there 
sleeping it off. You couldn't wake her if you 
banged a drum at her ear. 

BUFFO, [disappointed, but nodding his head] 
I quite understand. I do the same thing my- 
self after a heavy meal. 

[He starts toward the door at the right.] 

GILLES. [stopping him] Don't go. I want to 
talk with you. 

[He takes buffo's arm.] 

BUFFO. But I'm afraid I'm intruding. 

[He looks at margot and winks.] 

GILLES. By no means! This is my fiancee, 
Mistress Margot. 



28 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

MARGOT. [rising and making a curtsy] 
Charmed to make your acquaintance. 

BUFFO, [bowing awkwardly] Delighted, I'm 
sure. [margot sits down again.] 

GiLLES. Good, now you know each other. 
Well, sir, as you were saying — 

BUFFO. I wasn't saying anything. 

GILLES. [his hand to his head] Of course not! 
I was saying something. Well, as I was say- 
ing — what was I saying? 

MARGOT. That you had an idea. 

GILLES. Yes, yes, yes! Now I have it! [To 
buffo] You were telling me that you'd made up 
your mind to go on the stage. 

BUFFO. But, wait a minute. Wait a minute! 

GILLES. In fact, you offered me a large sum 
for my share in this company ! 

BUFFO, [puzzled] I don't think we got as far 
as that. I don't remember that we got as far as 
that. 

GILLES. Didn't we? That's strange! I 
seem to remember it quite distinctly. Never 
mind. I've decided to exchange my half- 
interest in this organization, all properties, cos- 
tumes, musical instruments, scenery, and so 
forth, for your farm. No questions asked. 

BUFFO, [sitting down] But I haven't had 
ime to think. 



DANCING DOLLS 2Q 

GiLLES. You'll never get such a chance 
again. 

BUFFO. But, the other members of the com- 
pany, do they agree ? 

GILLES. Absolutely! They retain their 
positions, of course. 

BUFFO, [eagerly] And Mistress Finetta ? 

GILLES. She was delighted with the scheme. 

BUFFO, [scratching his head] It's tempting — 
very tempting — but I really know very little 
about acting. 

GILLES. There's very little to know. All 
you need is a good presence, and a fine voice, 
and control of your hands and feet. I can teach 
you everything in one lesson. 

BUFFO. But — but — 

GILLES. There's only two kinds of acting; 
tragic and comic. 

BUFFO. I did act in a tragedy once. 

GILLES. Good! That settles tragedy. 

There's only comedy left. It's very simple. 

BUFFO. But / don't know anything about 
comedy. / couldn't be funny. 

GILLES. Oh, yes, you could. You only need 
a few tricks to make people laugh. 

BUFFO. What else? 



30 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 



GiLLES. Just a few jokes to keep them 
laughing. 

BUFFO. What kind of jokes? I'm afraid I 
don't know any jokes. 

GILLES. Oh, any old wheeze — one would do 
at a pinch. Let me think. There's a fine one, 
about a what's-its-name that got loose in a 
what-do-you-call-it. I'll tell you in a minute. 

BUFFO, [dubiously] That does sound funny. 

GILLES. You wink at the audience and say — 
confound it, what do you say? Never mind, 
I'll tell you later. Sir, I congratulate you! I 
congratulate you with all my heart! 

[He seizes buffo's hand and shakes 
it violently.] 

BUFFO, [wincing, and pulling away his hand] 
But, my dear Mr. Gilles, let me explain. 

GILLES. What! You're not satisfied? 

BUFFO, [working his right hand as if it had 
been injured] I'm trying to tell you. I don't 
want any misunderstanding. I only own half 
the poultry farm. The other half belongs to a 
young lady, a cousin of mine. It's because of 
her that I'd like to sell out. She wants to 
marry me. 

GILLES. Whichhalf do youown? 

BUFFO. Do you mean the largest half, or the 
smallest half? 



DANCING DOLLS 3I 

GILLES. No, no! I mean do you own the 
flat part — the what's-its-name — or the thingum- 
bobs — what sticks up from it? 

BUFFO, [completely puzzled] Do you mean 
which half, dividing it north and south, or which 
half dividing it east and west ? 

M ARGOT, [clasping her hands] Do you own 
the nice wet garden? 

GILLES. Do you own the house? 

BUFFO. Wait a minute! Let me get this 
straight. 

GILLES. [impatiently] There's only two 
sides to a house; the inside and the outside. 
Which side do you own ? 

BUFFO, [almost in tears] I don't know, we 
inherited it. It wasn't mentioned in the will. 

GILLES. Never mind ! We'll settle that with 
your cousin when we move in. 

BUFFO. It does sound simple. 

GILLES. Here's my hand on the agreement. 
I congratulate you, sir ! Nothing else to say. 

[He makes a grab for buffo's hand. 
BUFFO draws it away, gilles 
unabashed slaps him heartily on 
the back.] 

BUFFO, [doubtfully] Thank you! Thank 
you very much! 



32 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

MARGOT. But aren't there some formalities? 

GiLLES. Of course! How stupid of me! 
There's a thingumajig to sign before — before a — 

BUFFO. A transfer to sign before a notary. 

GILLES. Yes, yes, yes! A transfer to sign 
before a notary. Wait a minute! Didn't I see 
one of 'em here awhile ago? 

MARGOT. Mezzetin's friend. 

GILLES. I knew I'd think of it. We'll go and 
find him. 

[He starts toward the door, picking 
up buffo's hat.] 

BUFFO, [stupidly] But — but — stop a min- 
ute! 

GILLES. [clapping the hat on buffo's head] 
Here's your hat. Come on, Margot. 

[He pulls BUFFO out of his chair. 
MARGOT rises to follow them. 
FINETTA enters at the left, buffo 
sees her and holds back.] 

BUFFO. There's Mistress Finetta. I want to 
speak to her! 

GILLES. [pulling at buffo's arm] She's only 
come back to eat more food. You'll see plenty 
of her later. 

[He pushes buffo out and follows 
him.] 

FINETTA. [to margot] Where are you going ? 



DANCING DOLLS 33 

MARGOT. [carelessly] Oh, out to take a little 
stroll. 

FINETTA. [fretfully] Didn't you cook any 
supper for me? 

MARGOT. You'll find something left on the 
table. [She goes out.] 

FINETTA. [looking at the remains of the feast] 
Pigs ! Greedy pigs ! 

[She sets the things to rights, and sits 
down as if wondering which of 
the remnants she will try to eat. 
MEZZETIN sticks his head in at 
the opening of the back curtain.] 

MEZZETIN. [in a whisper] Hist! Finetta! 
Anybody here? 

FINETTA. [sullenly] Not a soul ! 

MEZZETIN. [entering with an angry flourish] 
It's lucky for Gilles that he's out of my sight! 
I'd do him a terrible injury. I've never been so 
insulted in my life. 

[He strides up and down with gestures 
of rage.] 

FINETTA. [not at all impressed] Stop beating 
your chest and tell me what's the matter. 

MEZZETIN. That notary is a perfect ass, if 
there ever was one. 

FINETTA. What notary ? 



34 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

MEZZETIN. [flourishing a piece of paper] 
Why, the note who gave me this notary — I 
mean, the notary who gave me this note ! Con- 
found his stupidity! He gave it to the wrong 
man. She didn't even offer me a glass of beer. 

FiNETTA. [coolly] I haven't the least idea of 
what you're talking about. 

MEZZETIN. [throwing off his cloak] I'm talk- 
ing about a stage-struck fool of a country girl ; 
the village heiress, to judge by the looks of her. 
She's ugly enough to own half the district. 

FINETTA. What did she want? 

MEZZETIN. What did she want? Why the 
dolt's fallen in love with that drum-beating 
numskull, that wooden-faced clown, that egg- 
juggling Gilles. 

FINETTA. Well, what of it? 

MEZZETIN. I tell you, I got the cold shoulder 
from a woman for the first time in my life. 

FINETTA. Oh, is that all ! 

MEZZETIN. [turning on her] It is not. She 
had the effrontery to ask me to run back and 
fetch him. Then she had the consummate 
audacity to make me a purely business propo- 
sition. She offered to exchange her share of a 
country estate for my share of this theatrical 
enterprise, solely to be near that grinning 
shrimp, that clumsy, infernal buffoon that 
hasn't a spark of true tragic art in his entire 
carcass. 



DANCING DOLLS 35 

FiNETTA. [sarcastically] I suppose you fell on 
her neck? 

MEZZETiN. I merely drew myself up and 
left the room with becoming hauteur. 

FINETTA. Huh! 

MEZZETIN. [noticing the food for the first time] 
Who's been having a feast here? 

[He draws up a chair and sits down.] 

FINETTA. Margot and Gilles. 

MEZZETIN. [tipping up the wine bottle] 
Wouldn't you know it ? Not a drop left. That's 
the gratitude of the world. Dancing Dolls like 
Gilles and Margot always getting the best of 
everything; while true artists are equally sure to 
always come out at the small end of the horn. 

FINETTA. [helping herself out of the basket] 
I don't suppose Margot ever had a truly spirit- 
ual thought in her life. 

MEZZETIN. [with a gesture of superiority] 
Poof! They have no fine feelings, no dignity of 
soul, no sense of the all-pervading spirit of 
tragedy. 

FINETTA. Oh, I'm tired of it! I wish I never 
had to see Gilles again. 

MEZZETIN. [beginning to eat] Tush! It's the 
old story. Everyone mismated. Lovers un- 
happy. You and Gilles, Margot and I. It's the 
tragic rectangle. 



36 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

FINETTA. But we re the only unhappy ones. 
It doesn't seem fair ! 

MEZZETIN. [his mouth full] I shall retire to 
private life. If the public won't appreciate me, 
let it do without me. In some isolated retreat, 
I shall muse upon the terrible cosmic hollowness, 
the futility of tragic genius. 

FINETTA. But what about me? What's to 
become of me7 

MEZZETIN. [gloomily] I see it all. You shall 
be my wife. We will forget the sneers of the 
world. Our mutual unhappiness makes us 
marvellously suited to each other. 

FINETTA. But what are we going to live on? 

MEZZETIN. 

"Thus, Caesar, musing on the shattered gods. 
Forsook the rostrum for the lonely hills. " 

[He thinks for a moment, then slaps 
his knee.] 
I will sell my interest in this company to Gilles. 

FINETTA. But Gilles hasn't any money! 

MEZZETIN. True ! Let me think. 

CLEMENTINA, [outside] Oh, Mr. Gilles! Mr. 
Gilles, are you there ? 

MEZZETIN. [startled] Ah! 

FINETTA. Who's that? 

MEZZETIN. [jumping up] It's the village 
heiress! It's the solution of our difficulty! 



DANCING DOLLS 37 

CLEMENTINA, [at the door] Mr. Gilles ! Oh, 
Mr. Gilles! May I come in? 

[She enters at the right.] 

MEZZETIN. [bowing] 
'"Twas thus Aurora, with her golden smile, 
Awoke new summer in the heart of Mars. " 

CLEMENTINA, [taken aback at seeing mez- 
zetin] I — I beg your pardon, I was looking for 
Mr. Gilles. 

MEZZETIN. I've just Sent him to meet you at 
the inn. Permit me ! 

[He offers her a chair.] 

CLEMENTINA, [very bashfully] I — I'm afraid 
I'm intruding. 

MEZZETIN. [quite at his ease] Allow me to 
present my fiancee, Mistress Finetta. My dear, 
this is the young lady I've been telling you 
about, the charming young lady with such re- 
markable dramatic talents. 

[He hands Clementina into the chair. 
She sits down stiffly, with evident 
embarrassment.] 

CLEMENTINA. You're Very kind, Mr. Mez- 
zetin. I thought you were angry with me when 
you left the Blue Pig in such a hurry. 

MEZZETIN. [in an injured tone] Angry at 
you! Oh, my dear young lady, how very ab- 
surd ! I was merely anxious to consult Mistress 
Finetta, as promptly as possible, about our 
little business transaction. 



38 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

CLEMENTINA, [looking Stupidly at finetta] 
Business transaction? 

MEzzETiN. She's enchanted with the ar- 
rangement. 

CLEMENTINA. Arrangement? 

MEZZETIN. I exchange my interest in this 
organization, including all scenery, costumes, 
properties, musical instruments and live stock, 
for your country estate. Madame, I con- 
gratulate you! 

CLEMENTINA. But, Mr. Mczzctin — oh dear 
— I hardly know — 

MEZZETIN. Now, now ! Pray don't over- 
whelm me with your thanks. 

CLEMENTINA, [wringing her hands] Oh dear, 
I hardly know what to say! I hardly know 
anything about acting — I'm afraid I've made a 
mistake — I hardly know anything at all. 

MEZZETIN. Don't distress yourself. A wo- 
man's success on the stage isn't purely a matter 
of technique. It's appearance that counts; an 
appearance like yours, an emotional disposition 
— it's really better if she doesn't know anything. 

CLEMENTINA. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! What 
will Mr. Gilles say, if he thinks I'm running 
after him? 

MEZZETIN. He's overjoyed. 

CLEMENTINA. It is a temptation — Oh dear! 
Oh dear ! I hardly know what to do. 



DANCING DOLLS 3Q 

MEZZETIN. [picking Up his cloak] Bravo! 
Then it's all settled. I'll look for our friend, the 
notary. Madame, I congratulate you with all 
my heart! 

[There is a sound of voices outside.] 

FINETTA. [listening] There's the notary now. 

MEZZETIN. [rubbing his hands] Good! He 
can draw up the documents. 

CLEMENTINA, [much excited] Oh dear! Oh 
dear! I hear Mr. Gilles's voice. 

GILLES. [outside] It doesn't matter at all, 
sir, it doesn't matter at all ! The what-you-may- 
call-it's of no consequence whatever. It's the 
thingumajig that counts. 

[Enter the notary and gilles, arm 
in arm, followed by margot and 

BUFFO.] 

THE NOTARY. But there are certain legal 
points of a most delicate nature. The locus 
tenantibus for example, and the fides in par- 
ticularum. 

[MEZZETIN spreads his cloak to hide 

CLEMENTINA.] 

MARGOT. Never mind the tenantibus and 
the particularum. It's the garden I want to 
know about! 

BUFFO. I can't seem to get this all straight! 

MEZZETIN. [seizing the notary's hand] My 
dear friend ! My very dear friend ! 

[He keeps between Clementina and 
the others.] 



40 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

THE NOTARY. Pray, sir, don't distract my 
attention ! 

MEZZETIN. But this is most urgent! Here's 
a young lady that's just induced me to purchase 
her share of a country estate and she's naturally 
most anxious to close the transaction before I 
alter my mind. 

THE NOTARY. Dear, dear ! This is most con- 
fusing ! May I ask, sir, to what young lady you 
refer ? 

MEZZETIN. [stepping back and disclosing his 
prize] The young lady will speak for herself. 

BUFFO. Clementina ! 

[The NOTARY puts his glasses on and 
recognizes Clementina.] 

THE notary. Dear, dear ! This is most con- 
fusing. 

CLEMENTINA, [rising] Oh, Mr. Notary, I 
hardly know how to explain. Oh dear ! I hardly 
know anything at all. 

[She sinks back again into the chair.] 

THE NOTARY. Ah, that's better! That's 

much better! When one asks for legal advice, 
one isn't expected to know anything. 

GiLLES. [to MEZZETIN] Confound it all! 
Just when I have the what-do-you-call-it all 
figured out, you go and stick your nose into it. 
Can't you wait till I've finished my business 
with the what's-his-name here? 



DANCING DOLLS 4I 

MARGOT. But I thought it was all settled. 
We're to get the nice wet garden. 

GiLLES. Of course, it's all settled; all but 
signing the what-do-you-call it. We're to have 
the inside of the house. 

MEZZETiN. [advancing upon gilles] We? 
We? May I ask whom you mean by we? 

MARGOT. Gilles and I have bought a farm. 
We're going to be married and settle down. 

MEZZETIN. [in a rage] Ten Thousand 
Thunders! Do you mean to tell me that you're 
thinking of marrying that numskull? That 
you're deliberately deserting me; that you've 
actually forgotten all sense of loyalty and 
gratitude? 

GILLES. [also becoming angry] Hold your 
horses there ! Hold your horses ! 

MEZZETIN. [to gilles] Don' t come in my way, 
knave, or I'll crack your head like one of your 
wooden eggs. I'll beat you within an inch of 
your silly life ! I'll teach you to ruin my happi- 
ness ! [The two men glare at each other.] 

FiNETTA. [wringing her hands] Oh dear! 
Oh dear ! 

MARGOT. Don't let them hurt each other! 

CLEMENTINA. [tO MEZZETIN] But I thought 

you wanted to buy my share of the farm so that 
you could marry Mistress Finetta. 



42 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

GiLLES. What's that? You marry Finetta! 
Damn it, you've been trying to steal her af- 
fections behind my back. 

[He moves toward mezzetin.] 

MEZZETIN. [backing away from him] Let's 
look at this thing rationally! 

MARGOT. [running to mezzetin] I won't 
stand by and see you hurt ! 

FINETTA. [running to gilles] Don't, oh 
don't do anything rash! 

CLEMENTINA, [running to buffo] O Buffo! 
Buffo! O Saint Stephen, and Saint Edgar! 

BUFFO, [clasping her in his arms] I can't 
seem to get this straight. 

[finetta clings to gilles, who glares 

at MEZZETIN. MARGOT cUngS tO 

MEZZETIN, who looks sheepish. 

CLEMENTINA cUngS tO BUFFO 

who looks completely mystified.] 

THE NOTARY, [wringing his hands] Dear me! 
Dear me ! This is most confusing ! Here's Mr. 
Buffo and Madame Clementina, joint owners in 
a poultry farm. Here's Mr. Gilles and Mistress 
Margot have bought Mr. Buffo's share, and 
here's Mr. Mezzetin and Mistress Finetta have 
bought Madame Clementina's share, and here's 
Mr. Buffo and Madame Clementina have 
bought a whole theatrical company. 

BUFFO. I can't seem to get this straight at all. 



DANCING DOLLS 43 

THE NOTARY. Dear me ! Dear me ! I never 
remember such a rush of business. Two trans- 
actions in one day. That means seven hun- 
dred and thirty transactions in a year. If it goes 
on like this, I shall be a rich man. 

[The music strikes up again outside.] 

MARGOT. [pricking up her ears] Listen! 

GiLLES. It's time for the evening perform- 
ance. 

MEZZETiN. Zounds! I had quite forgotten 
it! 

FINETTA. So had I ! 

[They begin to dance a little in pairs.] 

MARGOT. [to MEZZETIN] Then you won't 
desert me? 

GILLES. [to finetta] Then you love me after 
all? 

MEZZETIN. Come, the audience is waiting ! 

finetta. [hopping up and down] I feel just 
like dancing! 

[They all join hands and circle 
around buffo, Clementina, 
and THE NOTARY, who stand 
huddled together in the centre of 
the stage.] 

MARGOT. Come on everybody ! 

GILLES. Right you are! 

MEZZETIN. Come on! Come on! 



44 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

FiNETTA. Come on ! 
MARGOT. Hurrah ! 
GiLLES. We're off! 
MEZZETiN. Hooray ! 

FINNETTA. Ho, ho! 

[They let go of hands and run off 
through the back curtain, laugh- 
ing. BUFFO wipes his face with 
a red handkerchief.] 

THE NOTARY. Dear, dear, dear! Every- 
thing seems most confusing ! 

BUFFO. I never will be able to getjthis 
straight ! 

CLEMENTINA, [dinging to buffo] Hadn't 
we better keep the poultry farm and get married 
right away? . ; 

BUFFO. There! You've hit the nail on the 
head! 

CURTAIN. 



This first edition of dancing dolls, printed 
from type by The Lancaster Printing Com- 
pany, Lancaster, Pennsylvania, in Feb- 
ruary, igis, for THE STAGE GUILD, Chi- 
cago, consists of nine hundred copies on 
laid paper. 



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